MOVE. THOSE. CHAINS!
You Asked, We Answered
You wanted a way to support the Panther Chain Gang and, more importantly, West Salem Football while looking good. We have the answer. Our Chain Gang shirts, hats and mugs are sure to leave others in awe. Consider this your warning - if you wear these in public, you're going to get catcalls, whistles, double-takes and who knows what else. Wear at your own risk!
Holy moly, we can’t believe you took the time to check us out. You must be bored. We can fill your downtime with random useless information and some high(ish) quality dad jokes. We’re sure you have some questions and, fear not, we have some answers:
You guys look like the most fun chain crew ever.
Yes, it’s quite possible. Unless the opposing coach is yelling at their players – in that case, we have to play it cool and keep a straight face.
Why did you sign up for the chain gang?
It’s the best seat in the house aside from the officials. We thought about becoming officials but those guys get yelled at a lot.
Why are you always on the opposing sideline?
We want to make sure the crowd can see our good side. You’re welcome.
Where are all these fun Chain Gang videos that I hear people talking about?
Follow us on Instagram, Facebook or TikTok and you can see what all of your friends are talking about.
Wait. You guys sell Merch?
Ahhh, hello… Where have you been? 100% of our profits go to the West Salem High School Football program. Go buy some stuff. Remember, It’s for the kids!
Didn’t I see you guys on the news?
Yes, but it was for a good thing, we promise. It’s worth a watch. Special thanks to WXOW TV-19 for putting up with us.
I’m looking for a new, high-paying career and am considering becoming a Chain Gang member. How much do you guys get paid to do this?
Unfortunately, our talent agent stinks at their job and negotiated a deal where we work for free and volunteer all of our time and give away 100% of our Merchandise profits to the West Salem High School football program. One time, we went to concessions at halftime and they gave us a hot dog which we didn’t pay for so we thought “It’s about time we get paid” but it turns out that one of our wives paid for us and we didn’t know.
MEET THE CHAIN GANG
Jason Lassen
The Chain Gang Crew Chief
Jason is the chief, the captain, the main man, the foreman, the Alpha, the ruler, the commander, our leader. Jason is our skipper, our boss, the manager, in control, the guy in charge, the head, the administrator, the director, the overseer. Jason likes hockey, but loves the chain gang.
He hails from Minnesota and is the Gang’s only Vikings fan. Despite that, we still hang out with him. Mostly because his mom, Sherri, is the one that embroiders our custom Panther Chain Gang shirts. Growing up, he was a hockey player because that’s what you do in Minnesota. He has paused his quest to make it to the NHL in order to conquer a more important dream: to “chain” in the NFL. To that, we say #DreamFearlessly, Jason!
Greg Stenberg
The Up-Stick Guy
Hailing from parts unknown, “The Upstick Guy” Greg is called “The Greg” by friends. The Greg played High School and College football, but was always passionate about the chains. As an offensive lineman, while blocking defensive linemen and providing glory to running back and quarterbacks, The Greg was enthralled with the crowd chants, “Move. Those. Chains!” and “Ch-Ch-Ch-Chain Movers!” While performing pancake blocks on defensive linebackers, The Greg would look to the sidelines at the Chain Gang in amazement and wonder if he, The Greg, could ever hold an Upstick. While de-cleating defensive backs, The Greg would glance at the Chain Gang and dream about one day, holding the upstick himself! That dream came true in West Salem, Wisconsin in the fall of 2021 when The Greg became an integral part of this Chain Gang, the West Salem Panther Chain Gang!
The Greg enjoys hiking with a walking stick and golfing with his favorite clubs. The Greg enjoys watching baton twirling, sword fighting and Bojutso. The Greg loves throwing the sticks to The Dog. The Greg’s dog, The Dog, also loves sticks! Similar to The Dog, The Greg finds comfort, satisfaction, contentment and harmony with his stick.
The Greg’s upstick is currently make of anodized aluminum covered in Polyethylene foam. After budget considerations and pending approval, The Greg hopes to replace the anodized aluminum pole with a pultruded fiberglass pole, which will allow for more flexibility, is more thermally stable, lighter in weight and won’t conduct electricity.
Adam Huth
The “Bug” Man
Adam enjoys bugs and clips. Adam uses clothes pins to clip clothes to clothes’ lines. Adam will use binder clips to hold large papers together, he’ll uses paper clips for small papers. When Adam was a young man, he would clip on his High School football team. Of course this usually resulted in a penalty and sprints at the next practice, but Adam didn’t care due to his love of clipping!
According to a recent scientific study, the “bug” man is the most important member of the chain gang crew. The “bug” is a clip attached to the chain. It is designed as a fail safe and is relocated every time the chains are moved to mark a spot where the chains can reset if necessary. For consistency, the “bug” is universally clipped on the backside of the yard line, which means the side of the yard line closest to the goal line from which the offense is moving away.
With all that stated, Adam’s love of clipping makes him the perfect “bug” man for our Chain Gang crew.
Dan Roberts
The Down Box Guy
Dan is in charge of knowing the down, 1st down, 2nd down, 3rd down or 4th down. Contrary to popular belief, Dan is good with math, he can count higher than 4. However 1, 2, 3, and 4 are his favorites set of numbers. One of Dan’s heroes is Count von Count of Sesame Street. The Count can count one…. two… three… four… ha… ha… ha. Dan tried to audition for the part of Count von Count in 1982, but he was beat out by a kid that could count all the way to 100.
Dan counted professionally until a knee injury forced him into an early retirement. When Dan isn’t counting on the sidelines, he’s counting data for an IT company. Dan owns 1,2,3 4 chickens. Dan knows there are 1,2,3,4 chickens because he counted the chickens before they hatched. Dan also owns sheep, unfortunately we don’t know the total number of sheep because Dan falls asleep before he finishes counting the sheep.
Dan’s down box has a flipper but one day we hope to upgrade it to the NFL style Dial-A-Down. It’s like going from a rotary phone to a push-button phone. Dan can flip from 4th down to 1st down at a world record pace. Dan can flip from 4th down to 1st while running…err…jogging…err…briskly walking to the next ball placement. Keep an eye out for Dan – maybe you’ll be lucky enough to see him flip you off some day!
Todd Jordan
The Backup aka ‘Todd the Bod’
Todd originally played football at La Crosse Logan, or La Crosse Central, well, that doesn’t matter they’re pretty much the same school. Anyways, Todd has feigned interest in Chains for longer than he can remember. Todd is the Chain Gang Backup Crew Member, Todd’s the substitute, he’s on standby, he’s the alternate, the replacement, the stand-in, the surrogate, the proxy, the reserve, he takes the place of any other Chain Gang Crew Member. Todd is adequate as an Upstick Guy, he’s OK as a bug man, he’s mediocre as a Down Box Guy, he’s an average arrow man. Todd’s the Jack of All Trades, Master of None. You may see Todd walking around town backwards, he backs up. Todd mastered the “beep… beep… beep…” sounds you hear when large vehicles back up. Todd grew up on the river, he enjoys waterskiing backwards, substitute teaching, sub sandwiches, taking the subway, submarine museums. Todd can cook, however he always substitutes ingredients. Todd’s favorite movie is “The Substitute”, his favorite song is “Stand By Me”, his second favorite movie is “The Replacements”. Todd can do it all and he’s always there when you need him!
Tim Jones
The “Rookie”
Tim is the old timer, old man, the Boomer of the gang. But being the new guy he is better known as the “ Rookie “ of the chain gang. Tim is the only native of West Salem on the chain gang. Being he is alumni of Panther Nation could be why he was recruited. Tim (old timer) trains very hard every week so that he can keep up with the younger more talented chain gang members. Rumor has it he will be first to be let go if he doesn’t keep up with the high standards that is expected of the chain gang.
Arne Everson
Mr. Ten
Arne has long had a fascination with the number 10. This fascination started at a young age when he learned to count using his 10 fingers and 10 toes. It continued from there when he realized that at the age of 10 he was no longer just a number but was actually a decade old and eventually he was blown away when he heard about the 10 Commandments. This fascination with the number 10 has driven him to find ways to share his love of the number with others. What better way to accomplish that then join a Chain Gang where distance is marked out 10 yards at a time.
Milt Hendrickson
Director of Chain Gang Operations
Milt is the guy walking around behind the scenes with a clipboard and an ear piece. You’d think he’s taking notes and possibly doing a performance review of the chain gang but we are pretty sure he is just playing tic-tac-toe against himself. Milt also has a side gig with another football team (which is why all future Chain Gang members are required to sign a Non-Compete Agreement). His title with this ‘other’ football organization is ‘Director of Football Operations’. Clearly, his experience with us as our Director of Chain Gang Operations helped him land this position. You’re welcome, Milt.